Surgery jokes
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?
A plastic surgeon. 😷
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.
Imagine Michael Jackson having kids? Would they come out Black or white or plastic?
China is as fake as bitches with plastic surgery, and they talk about body positivity.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.