Suicide

Suicide Jokes

Dad

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Kid

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

Cancer

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

Site

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

Mom

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

Dad

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

Head

I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.

Chair

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

Quitter

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

Emo

What falls first from a tree, an apple or an emo?

The apple... the emo just hangs there.

Man

The man was dangling by a string!

I was jealous the day he died.

Option

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

Prince

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.