Stove jokes

The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.

What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"

What did the terrorist think to himself seconds before hitting the tower?

"Did I leave the stove on?"

CHABI CHABI CHAB CHAAAAB!

How to make holy water:

1. Grab a pot.

2. Put water in it.

3. Set the stove to 420 degrees.

4. Boil the hell out of it.

Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.

How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

Where did the cake sleep on the stove?

In a pan.

Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"

I said, "On a stove!"