Stare jokes

Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate.

Chuck Norris once stared a basilisk in the eye, and it DIED!

Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.

I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.

Yo Mama is so dumb, she stares at a juice carton for an eternity because it says "Concentrate" on the box.

Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice?

Because it said "concentration camp."

When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.

When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.

Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈

Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.

Husband: Honey, do you want sex?

Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.

Husband: Is that your final answer?

Wife: Mmmmm.

Husband: Are you sure?

Wife: Yes.

Husband: No doubts?

Wife: No.

Husband staring a long time at his wife.

Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.

Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries.

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

Dad: Honey!

Mom: What?

Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.

Mom: WHAT!?

Children: *staring*

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

Because it said, "Focus."

What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)

If a simp is staring at you, cover your mouth (they'll stop looking).

So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.