Stare jokes
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally... you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
How do you torture an autistic dude? Start a staring contest.
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
Yo Mama is so dumb, she stares at a juice carton for an eternity because it says "Concentrate" on the box.
What do you call a series of ascending steps with eyes that follow you intently?
A starecase.
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?
"Stop staring at my nuts."
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice?
Because it said "concentration camp."
I think I gave you the coronavirus because I can't stop staring, a-choo!
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.