Stand up

Stand up jokes

Comedian

  • So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

  • 3
  • Student

  • Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.

    After a while, a student stands up.

    Teacher: So you think you are stupid?

    Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.

  • 4
  • Grandmother

  • Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

    The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

    Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

  • 0
  • Boy

  • Someone telling a joke:

    Boy: "My parents are dead."

    Girl: "My grandad is too."

    Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"

    Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"

    Man

  • A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

    This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

    "Of course," she says.

    The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

    The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

  • 5
  • Depression

  • There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

    What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.

  • 1