Stand Up Jokes

Stand up for yourself! Oh come on walk it off.

You know, people allways tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the world trade center that? 🤔

Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to to stand up for himself

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore. And if I tried it would probably crash and burn. It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!

Why did Orphans have to drink there own piss? Because last time they went to the bar they went with there dad and drank some corona then got drunk and started eating someones toenails so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody has to evacuate the bar then the Orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldnt die and loved it so then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on youtube and the boy became famous so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk then the little boy became really rich

A girl in the shop was getting bullied she came to me saying I’m getting bullied I told her stand up for her self

A middle eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show, he starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”

Some one Telling a joke: Boy: my parents are dead Girl: My grandad is too Orphan who listened to it: that joke is dead Person who told the joke: so is ur family

whats the diffrant between stephen hawking and rocket league you cant stand up

Why didn't steven Hawkins get into fights

Cause he couldn't stand up for himself

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

alright so i have a few orphan jokes im gonna put them all in one message.

why cant orphans be gay? they have no one to call daddy.

why cant orphans go on a field trip? parent signiture:______

new teacher: i used to be an orphan as a kid students:hahaha teacher: is anyone missing? students:no one just your parents

why did the orphan become a prostitute? they kept calling everyone daddy

why do orphans have the iphonex because it has no home button

ever heard of rape jokes? no? well, i'll MAKE you hear em!

Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, outSTANDing performance.

Friend: If u don't like my bad jokes I will tell some stand up comedy. Me: But u are not standing:)

Son: Daddy, what's dark humor? Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap. Son: But Daddy, I'm blind. Dad: Exactly.