Stand up jokes

I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

Why are so many people making fun of people with wheelchairs?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”

Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.

Me: Nah, it's just two tired.

Teacher: "Stand up, class!"

She is sitting down.

Teacher: "Whoever stands up is stupid!"

I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.

It’s sad because with all these mean jokes Stephen hawkings can’t even Stand up for himself

Why do disabled people always get picked on?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

I can't stand disability jokes.

If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.