Spray

Spray Jokes

Rabbit

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.

A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.

The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”

Ass

If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.

Necrophilia

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

Neighbor

"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."

"What's been going on, John?" I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

The dirty bastard!

Tiger

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"

Sex

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

Pepper Spray

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Grandfather

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

Surface

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

Trump

What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?

Your next door grumpy old neighbor.

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  • Pedophile

    How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?

    They spray paint it like candy 🍬.

    Friend

    My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

    He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

    The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

    Shooting

    October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.

    Aish office

    I started working at the AISH office a few months ago.

    I felt like I wasn't fitting in. Then my coworker showed me where the pepper spray and emergency contraception pills were.

    Now I feel like I belong.