Spray Jokes

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

I started working at the AISH office a few months ago.

I felt like I wasn't fitting in. Then my coworker showed me where the pepper spray and emergency contraception pills were.

Now I feel like I belong.

Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*

Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?

Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.

"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.

If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.

A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.

The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”

What did the priest say to the skunk?

Let us spray.

"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."

"What's been going on, John?" I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

The dirty bastard!

How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?

They spray paint it like candy 🍬.

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

When I mist, I miss.

It was 2017, and lots of people were hating RiceGum because he released "Frick Da Police," a diss track insulting Idubbbz's Content Cop video on RiceGum.

A few hours after the diss track was released, someone went to Rice's house and spray painted "Asian Jake Paul" on the wall of the front of his house.

Rice went to "meet" Idubbbz, then he saw the graffiti.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"

Hours later, police found 4 suspects.

"Explain."

Sus 1: I don't vandalize.

Sus 2: I was staying indoors because it was rainy.

Sus 3: I fucking hate RiceGum, but I would not ruin his cheap ass house lol.

Sus 4: I eat bricks.

Police: I know who.

RiceGum: Who?

Police: ITS-

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Notice anything in the number crowd?

Comment the answer below and I will see who is correct.

What did Pepper say to Spray?

"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?

Your next door grumpy old neighbor.