SOS Jokes

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

So 6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 10 have PTSD?

He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.

Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.

Feminists: Correct.

Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?

Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.

I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.

The image contains two posts from the anonymous image board 4chan. The first post is by someone who was released from prison after serving four years for a bank robbery, though they pled down to aggravated assault. They now wonder what to do for work besides drive a truck. The second post replies with a plan to start a youtube channel to critique bank robberies in video games, and eventually talk about prison life to get 350k subscribers and make more money than most people.

You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.

I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.

Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

I am so nervous.

99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.

Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.

Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.

My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she took a bath, the water jumped out.

Yo mama so fat that she needs two watches for two different time zones.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"