SOS jokes

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.

Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.

Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.

Michael Jackson so white, I turned blind.

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

My mom said don't fuck whores.

So I kicked my step sis out the house.

I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

Yo mama so ugly!

The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!