SOS jokes

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.

Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.

Michael Jackson so white, I turned blind.

Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.

Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.

And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

My mom said don't fuck whores.

So I kicked my step sis out the house.

Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.

Yo mama so ugly!

The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!

Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.