SOS jokes

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

My mom said don't fuck whores.

So I kicked my step sis out the house.

I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

Yo mama so ugly!

The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.

This is so sad, Alexa, play Despacito.