SOS jokes

And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Yo mama so ugly!

The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.

My mom said don't fuck whores.

So I kicked my step sis out the house.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.