White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.
And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.