So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.
Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.
And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
