Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
SOS Jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she put a ruler under a pillow to see how long she slept.
Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
Friend: Want to play Fall Guys?
Friend 2: Yup.
Friend: Ok, so let me ju- wait, where are you going?
Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off.
Friend: Why?
Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?
Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."
Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
Because he only cums once a year.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
