SOS jokes

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.

1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.

Why was the ant so confused? Because all his uncles were ants.

Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.

Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.

Friend: Want to play Fall Guys?

Friend 2: Yup.

Friend: Ok, so let me ju- wait, where are you going?

Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off.

Friend: Why?

Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.

Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"