Something jokes

If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,

I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.

Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...

I hate stairs, they're always up to something.

1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?

2nd Person: Yeah, sure!

1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!

What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.

How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.

I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.

Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?