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Straight

dankmemester

what do you call a lazy gay? someone who comes straight out of the closet,and goes straight to the couch.

Depression

Anonymous

I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated

Wife

Tanner Pomeranz

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

Man

Anonymous

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”

People

Smeagol

When deaf people people see someone yawning do they think their screaming

Depression

Anonymous

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants… I hope they’re happy now 😐

Puns

Anonymous

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens? A chicken tender

Orphan

Accident

Why did the Orphan become a prostitute,

Because they needed someone to call daddy

Orphan

Joe

If u want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents. Double! Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere! Triple! Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasnt wearing his seatbelt.

People

James Thallium

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy. But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

Personal

Hunta

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there. Where are the others?

They’re in his freezer.

Friend

Anonymous

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

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Orphan

Technoblade

Why did the Orphan go to church?

To call someone father.

Personal

Anonymous

Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide

Daughter

Man012

Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping.

Father: Sorry

Orphan

Anonymous

Orphans go to church to call someone father.

Pole

Anonymous

Well if someone ever calls u gay 🌈🏳️‍🌈 just say well atleast im straiter then the pole your mommy dances on 🤣🖕

Make

Man

My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said You better comeback with a goddamn sandwich

Personal

Anonymous

Leo: Mother, what is an idiot. Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn’t understand. Mother: Do you understand. Leo: No.

Grass

Tom

Someone stole my grass today, I went to the police and they said: “What’s wrong?” I said “How could you tell something was wrong?” they replied “you were looking forlorn”

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