Why did the male orphan decide to be gay?
Because he wanted someone to call "daddy."
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.
Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
What do you call someone with a pindie spot?
Stop screen recording.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic. Hehe.
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?
