Someone jokes

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

I'm bored. Someone wanna chat?

When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?

They get a discount at the crematorium.

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

You're so fat, when someone calls you fat, you get depressed and cut you a slice of cake.

If someone called you ugly, say before you call me ugly, look in a mirror.

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

Yo chin is so bumpy, someone said, "Is that Mt. Everest?"

When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?

Killing someone is better than killing yourself.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂

If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.

Someone is talking about you behind your back, make a run vhaleka.

What's one way to drain someone's ego?

Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.