What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? it cuts itself.
What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.
why dawayne is so small because his parents cut him up to small slices
I want to be like pizza so i can get cut into 8 pieces
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon? The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says " Stop ye Im a magical tree you can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks then as he goes to swing the axe he says,"you may be a magical tree... But you will dialog!"
As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:
Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.
Devil: Did she just twitch?
A: No. She didn’t twitch.
D: I think I saw her finger twitch.
A: Well, even if it did, it’s her thigh the techs are aiming at.
D: She wants to scratch her face.
A: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.
D: But her cheek has an itchy spot.
A: She can just let it itch. She doesn’t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.
D: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...
A: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliver’s smile...
D: How about a song?
A: Good idea!
D: How about... “Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down....”🎶
A: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! She’s in the middle of a treatment! You know that’s the only part she knows!
D: That’s okay. She’ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....
A: Don’t be so mean!
D: “Never going to give you up...🎶”
A: Stop it!
D: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!
A: No, she didn’t.
D: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....
A: She didn’t screw anything up!
D: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!
A: That’s not how it works...
D: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor won’t get enough radiation.
A: They know what they are doing!
D: ...And it won’t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.
A: No! No! No! That’s not how any of this...
D: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.
A: Stop this right now!!
D: “Never going to give you up....🎶”
A: Stop!
D: “...never going let you down....🎶”
A: I’m not going to let you...
D: “Never going to give you up...🎶” .
Techs: Okay. That’s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?
Tammi: ...Oh, I’m fine.....
what the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza nothing i eat both of them
The Fast of Ramadan
In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the left over fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pome-grants. For this was the sacred mounth of ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the momment after sunset!
I asked my mom to make me a brat she was sleepy but is said do it anyway my mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked she took a knife and sliced his dick then put it on a bun then ketchup and mustard i said this tasted funny she was snoring the i threw it and said EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!! *ever since that day they haven't fucked again because he aint got nun to fuck with*
Cut
The say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal
What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake. She died the next weekend.
what is the difference between a small child and a watermelon? one i eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread waiting for a traffic jam
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket
I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza but it's really... Cheesy I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie. I responded "yes" and he said: "okay, 14159"
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza? A dead baby can't feed a family.
A slag is like the first peace of bread in a loaf everyone touches it but no body wants it.
