Skin jokes
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
What is the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits for a boy to turn twelve before it comes on his face.
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.
If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.
If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Is skin picking self-harm?
Cause I'm red all over without a razor.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
Your skin's so bright you could be used as a highlighter.
I am so disappointed in this race.
Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.
What did the funny bone say to the skin?
"You're not humerus, I am!"
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits until a kid is a teenager to come on its face.
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.