Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
Skin Jokes
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.
Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."
Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"
"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."
"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.
Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.
Donald Trump is, like, really orange.
Here are some skeleton jokes.
You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.
If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.
I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.
I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.
I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!
I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.
I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.
Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!
I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.
Beauty is only skin deep... but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
Why are white people so white?
Because they forgot to urine on lotion.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
