Size jokes

Yo Mama is so FAT, it wasn't an iceberg that sank it, she was called, "THE MAMABERG!"

Your forehead is so big that we may as well call it a fivehead.

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Yo mama so fat, she sunk the Titanic.

Orphans get family-sized chips for free.

Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.

If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!

Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.

Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.

Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.

So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

I met a fat chick at the beach.

People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?

Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.

Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?

Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.

Man: Shit!

I wonder why the baseball was getting larger and larger, then it hit me.

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...

SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!

Yo mama so short that when she plays mini golf, it's just called golf.