Size jokes
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Yo mama so fat, she sunk the Titanic.
So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.
Explain Bear weighs 1 ton.
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
Orphans get family-sized chips for free.
Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.
Yo mama so fat, she went to the moon without leaving Earth.
Yo mama so fat that she's social distancing from herself.