Size jokes

Your forehead is so big that we may as well call it a fivehead.

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Yo mama so fat, she sunk the Titanic.

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?

A fumble bee.

Why is an elephant big, grey, and hairy?

What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

Yo mama's so fat, she's both in the Atlantic and Pacific ocean.

Your mom is so fat, that burger.

How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said... "Error!"

Yo mama so fat when she walked all we knew was EARTHQUAKE!

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."

Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.

Yo mama so fat.

In Super Mario Galaxy, she was a fucking planet!

Yo mama so fat, even Dora couldn't explore her.