Size jokes
Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!
Why do midgets giggle when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit in the living room!
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on a dollar, four quarters pop out.
Yo mama so fat, when she went sky diving everyone screamed "METEOR!!!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mama.
Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass is tickling their ballsacks!
Yo mama is so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it is still printing.
One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Like if you're short.
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock eater.
Your forehead is so big that it could carry the passengers of the Titanic.
Yo forehead so big it makes Megamind's forehead small.
POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.