Sick jokes
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"
I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."
You people are sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!! None of these are funny. Sick sick sick!!!!!!!
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife leave him? She was sick of buying triple A batteries.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy.
I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
What do bubbles get when they’re sick?
The suds.
A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"
Six one.
Why did the rapper join a gym?
To get those SICK BARS.
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.
Rape jokes aren’t funny!!! And definitely not something to joke about, what’s wrong with ppl, like seriously what a world we live in. This is sick!
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.
The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.
How do you know a vampire's sick? If he's coffin (coughing?)
What do you call a sick Asian?
A calculator with dead batteries.