Sick jokes
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
Why don’t rappers ever get lost?
They always have a SICK FLOW to follow.
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
What do bubbles get when they’re sick?
The suds.
Memes
What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
How does a rapper pay for his groceries?
With a SICK FLOW of cash!
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.
The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweet-ment!