Shutting jokes

Me: I have a dream.

Mom: What?

Me: For you to fucking shut up.

Stephen Hawking's last words were, "Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down."

One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.

Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"

For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?

He blacks out.

I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.

The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.

Me: Hi, my name is...

Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?

Me: Hey, stop dude!

Bro: How is it going, bro--

Me: SHUT UP!

Bro: Is that a gun?

Me: *Pointing at bro*

Bro: Dude, I'm...

Me: *BANG* *BANG*

Me: Finally, it's over.

What did the blender say to the orange juice?

"What the fuck are you, you are so fucking stupid, shut the fuck up."

Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!

Friend 1: I HATE YOU!

Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!

Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*

Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.

All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*

Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"

Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.

Why is Stephen Hawking so square headed? Because he forgot to shut Minecraft down!

What do you say to the orphan?

"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"

Shut the f*** up, I am an orphan!

TJ GWEN just shut the hell up.

NOT A DATING WEBSITE

When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?

SHUT UP!!!

These are funny, y'all are disgusting people. Just shut the f*** up. Rape isn't something you joke about.

His wife shut off the internet.