Show jokes

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?

Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.

Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!

What are emos' favorite TV show theme song?

Beyblade, Beyblade, let it rip!

Me: You have terrible jokes.

Mum: Shows me a mirror.

Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?

God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!

Stories like Rudolph and Wonder show that different means worse.

The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

If a mentally challenged person shows up late,

Is it ok to call him tardy?

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.

I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.

So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...

What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.

I'm Pickle Rick!

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."

"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"

I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.

Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.