Short jokes
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
Why did the kid get grounded? Because he was always lion.
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
Reminder: Check the fridge, but remember nothing's in there.
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
Every Cobra Kai joke that was made, it's just me.
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?
Why are the towers working out? They have big thighs!
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?
Slim Shady.
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew.
"Ryan, come out to play-ee-ay!!"