Short jokes
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long!
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.
Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!
What kind of jokes doesn’t work out?
Fat people jokes.
What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?
Not getting the job at McDonald’s.
Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.