Short jokes
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
Your forehead [is] so big [that] every time you shout, your forehead starts pulsing.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
I'm hertophobic.
It means I'm allergic to straights.
I'm a nonbinary trash can.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
What do condoms and whores have in common?
Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!
Rob: .....BECKY :3
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
I dropped my phone, but it’s on airplane mode.
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
Roses are red, I reload fast...
I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!
I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sister.
Sister who?
My sister's ass.