Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
Really gotta love all the morons who, instead of sharing irreverent dark jokes, say the stupidest shit pertaining to Christianism.
Bligitty blot, bliggity blit,
You better not be talkin' shit. π«
Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.
What do you call an Indian with a wooden leg? Shit on a stick.
What do you call an Indian with two wooden legs? A waste of lumber.
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
Jack and Jill wanted some pills.
So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
Why canβt Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.
