Shes jokes

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

Who was the meanest man in the world?

He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.

Why can’t Helen Keller drive?

It’s because she’s dead.

Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Olgh..."

Yo mama so stupid... she stared at an orange juice carton because it said, "CONCENTRATE!"

Yo mama so fat I bet if she farted, the whole Universe go Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-BOOM.

What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.

I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."

She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.

Gutted rn... the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does... man...

Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven.

Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”

Lady: Will you fuck me?

Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"

What do you call your sister if she only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.

She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”

“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.

“Exactly,” replied the mom.

There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

Only Ninety's kids know about this.

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!