Shes jokes

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...

"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."

Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

I've been told I've got a perfect cock.

She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.

Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.

Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.

Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?

Answer: She’s dead.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her eyebrows.

Why is the mermaid so dirty?

Because she is a maid, mer-maid!

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.