She jokes

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.

Your momma is so dumb that when they said it was chilly outside, she came outside with a bowl.

Why does Lincoln like Ronnie Anne?

She is the only one that calls me "lamo."

Yo mama's so fat, she invented double doors!

Yo mama so fat, she needs two watches for each timezone.

Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my other girlfriend.

Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?

She was drunk.

My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Not Sally.

I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."