Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?
Neither has she.
My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and thatβs the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. πππππ 6 weeks later, she died. πππππππππππππ
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said the one on the roof.
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
I told Hellen Keller it was a hair dryer, little did she know it was a Glock.
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
My sister thinks shes so smart she said only and onion can make you cry so i brought the belt out and she started crying
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...
a man came up to a girl a bout to jump off a cliff the man said why she then replies their are many monster in this world and i am one of them.
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "Iβm the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre πΉ!"
If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.
"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
echhh
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
Yo mama so fat she broke the stair-way to heavan
