She jokes

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!

Your momma's so dumb, she took her driving lesson on a dinosaur.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Yo mama is so skinny, she can dodge raindrops.

Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...

And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.

My sister: See you at home in about an hour.

Me: Okay.

My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*

Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?

Sister: OMG, she's dead!

Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

Yo mama is so fat, she had to snap his finger twice.

Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?

Because she got Avogadro's number!

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.

Yo mama is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.