Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
