School

School Jokes

Vampire

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

Lots of blood tests!

Bear

So if you say a bear shoots children, and Leah likes Mason Boswells, and I go to Benjamin Adlard year 6.

Math class

Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.

Orphan

Why did the orphans miss most of the basketball games?

They missed the homecoming games.

Bus

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

Bus Driver

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

Homework

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.

Human

Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?

Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.

Me: Oh, okay.

Goes to school.

Teacher: How were humans made?

Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.

Teacher: 😑

Orphan

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."

Detention

I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.

Orphan

The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.

Shooter

Columbine High basketball team will never be good again after they lost their two best shooters.

Kid

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

Emo kid

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

Gun shop

I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.

Gun

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.