School jokes

What do you call a high school student?

Alone and depressed.

My dad told me I'm a failure.

I failed a math test.

Good thing there's a pole outside my house.

The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"

I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."

A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

Why did the pedophile cross the road?

Because there was a school on the other side.

I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

A player in Baldi's Basics says, "Why are you bald?"

Baldi responds, "Well, I have cancer."

The player says, "Oh, good for you!"

You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.

Don't bully.

When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?

"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."

Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?

The bus driver hit Sally.

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!

What did the teacher say to the student?

Orange you glad to see me?

What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.