How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied?
He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
Yo mama is so stupid, she had to retake preschool 20 times!
Why does the Sun go to school?
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
Why did Sally fail her final exam?
Because she had nothing written down.
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
