School jokes
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What do you call a short student?
A Ravin.
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Who is the smartest student in school?
The scholar.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied?
He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.