Deadline jokes

What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?

"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."

Why was the Computer late to work?

'Coz it had a hard drive... LMAO

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

Five more days.

minutes (DYM 124)

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.

Thank God I went on the tenth.