Schedule jokes

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to pull a permit, one to schedule the inspector, and one to change the bulb.

What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?

"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.

What is the best time to eat dinner?

When you're hungry.

I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.

Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.

Which days are the strongest?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.

(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.

I will be back on tomorrow at 5pm CST.

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.

Doc: What's wrong with that?

Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.

Amber Heard morning schedule:

- Wake up - Eat breakfast - Take a shit - Get out of bed - Shower

Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"