Schedule Jokes

What is the best time to eat dinner?

When you're hungry.

Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.

Which days are the strongest?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.

(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.

I will be back on tomorrow at 5pm CST.

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.

Doc: What's wrong with that?

Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.

Amber Heard morning schedule:

- Wake up - Eat breakfast - Take a shit - Get out of bed - Shower

Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"

I believe in a woman's right to choose...

...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?

Yoda was in charge of scheduling.

Does anyone go to Eagle High School? Tell me what classes you have from 1st period to 4th period if you go to Eagle High School.

Why was the train late?

It kept getting sidetracked.

How do you kill time?

Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.