Schedule jokes
Why did the boy shoot the clock? He wanted to kill time.
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
What time do you call me tomorrow?
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
I will be back on tomorrow at 5pm CST.
Why was the train late?
It kept getting sidetracked.
What time is it when you walk home from school? Time to rest.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk home from school today?
Amber Heard morning schedule:
- Wake up - Eat breakfast - Take a shit - Get out of bed - Shower
What time is it when it gets dark out?
Bed time.
Why is time important? To not be late.
What time eeeeeee?
What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home?
🏡 night time and I can drive to the car tomorrow night.
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to pull a permit, one to schedule the inspector, and one to change the bulb.
What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?
"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."