What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
Say Jokes
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What happens when you say, "Hey Siri?"
Stephen Hawking answers.
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
What did the clock say when it got punched at noon?
It’s twelve o'clock.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the spoon."
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the s*** spoon."
What noise does Sally like to say? Splat!
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
