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What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?

Stop horsing around!

America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.

What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"

Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️‍🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕

Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.

What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."

One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"

His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."

Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."

America has white people that are terrorists and racists. They love to blame people from different countries for what they have done.

White person: "We are not terrorists. Why would [we] ever do that in our history?"

The rest of the people: *looks at them stupid* "Y'all were the first motherfuckers to be a terrorist first and then wanting to blame others for your action."

1 person: "You still carrying that confederate flag. It means hatred and [you're] still trying to fight to bring back slaves again. Y'all say it's heritage and not hate, but [you're] clearly still a fucking loser, and your flag has an X [on it, which] means wrong. So... Still a loser. People can't be racist to a racist. It just doesn't make sense. I'm not saying all white people are racist, but I am talking about the ones who voted for Trump and be blind as hell. FUCK DONALD TRUMP AND THE RACIST PEOPLE!"

What did the cell phone say to his wife?

"I will give you a ring."