Saw Jokes

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I saw your mom beat you.

What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?

One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."

Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.

Bro, this guy's hairline I saw the other day was nowhere to be seen.

A screenshot of a tweet from user Plain As Day Quavo. The tweet text reads 'Saw people were sharing their favorite lyrics so here's some of mine'. Below are four square panels. The top left panel shows a person covering their face, with the text 'through them hospital doors' and 'FLUSHING SCOTCH "COUGH SYRUP" COYOTE'. The top right panel shows Eminem with a boombox, with the text 'Meanwhile my attention's pulled in another direction. Some receptionist' and 'EMINEM "LIKE TOY SOLDIERS"'. The bottom left panel shows Robert Palmer, with the text 'Doctor, doctor, gimme the news' and 'ROBERT PALMER "BAD CASE OF LOVING YOU (DOCTOR, DOCTOR)"'. The bottom right panel shows Bob Geldof, with the text 'Something's wrong. She was lying on the bed. Crying when I walked in' and 'BOB GELDOF "I CRY TOO"'. Each lyric quote is enclosed in double quotes.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

Unbelievable! When I searched “house of spades,” all I saw was a slave home!

I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.

I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"

And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"

And I said: "Your parents."

When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.

When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.

When I saw you, it instantly made me cry. LOL.

I saw my sister sucking a big toe.

Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

Driving through the woods today, I saw a boy with a bare behind.

I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"