one day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead I called his parents.
jack and jill went up a hill so jill could lik jacks candystik but jill got a suprise wen she saw her borfiend rik he got so angre jack has no candestik no more jill went home whith a black i and rik got arested for cuting jacks candystik
How does the sea say hello It WAVES you SEA what I did their I'm SHORE you saw it Don't be SALTY
A man walked into a toilet and saw a women fingering a man and said I think your doing it wrong turns out it was two transvestites
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
orphans are so unwanted, that when one direction saw one, it went the other direction
I saw an orphan on the street i said where’s your parents he cried and said my mum and dad died in a car crash 😆😆😂😂🤣
I saw a kid in the yard and i asked where are your parents. then i got fired from the orphanage
the man saw a kid on the road and the man asked the man: where are your parents. the boy: ........ the man left the adoption centre
Guys if you saw a post from someone is pretending to be me don't listen to them. I'm just going to be out for 3 days. or maybe for a mounth break. There are a lot fakers.
a fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly a physicist saw it and said thats not how law of conservation of mass works plot twist the fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong now the physicist doesnt have mass
One day when I driving around our children's school with my wife she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did we hear a loud, long scream.
This morning I was in the kitchen and I saw some a whole bunch of leftovers brownies made from scratch i just taste one and spit it out because somebody put some godamn weed in them what the fuck.
Yo mama so stupid she thought a jigsaw meant dancing with a saw
Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven't seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said "Oh no! i forgot the cereal!" then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again
There were 2 guys in an asylum. One name Kenny and the other is Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny act like he was packing his bags. Nurse said “What are you doin Kenny?” Kenny said “Going to Florida for the week.” Nurse said “Alright see ya when you get back.” Next day Nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny laying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. Nurse said “What are you doing Kenny?” Kenny said “I am at the beach” Nurse said “Oh I forgot your in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back” Bob’s room was across the hall. Nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. Nurse said “Goddamnit Bob what are you doing?” Bob said “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny’s wife right now, he is in Florida for the week”
Guy it was so weird yesterday I saw a guy and he kept repeating the same thing over and over I hate people with dementia I told my mom to get a new mirror but she she won’t listen to me it’s almost like I sand it like 20 times every time I say it
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it a genie came out and said "You have 10 seconds to have one wish". Little Johny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink she says, "We should have this every night!". Little Johny gets two cups every night one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives on himself and his sister asks, "Wheres my cup?". little Johny replied, "Your drinking out of the bottle tonight".
what do you call a kid with Autism and saw star wars?
Chewbacca
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted Roblox. One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury. One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignore it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened. The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!" Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too.
