Said Jokes

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

Your forehead is so big that NASA went to discover Mars, but then they said, "Oops, wrong planet. Mars is smaller than this, we will discover it later."

Yo mom is so fat when she went to sit on the couch it said, "To be continued."

Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."

I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.

She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...

Peyk 47 said that Kobe Bryant is not a legend, but he is.

Your mama is so ugly that when she stood on the scale, it said "to be continued."

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my friend was mute she said, “Can't you unmute her?”

Yo mama so poor, when I rang her doorbell, she said, "Ding!"

One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?

I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."

Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.