Russians jokes

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

If at first you don't succeed,

Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?

Russian malls.

How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.

What did the American say to the Russian?

"Why are you always Russian?"

"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?"

"Because I was Russian!"

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!

Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree.

Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Where do animal does Russian milk come from?

"Moscows".