Round jokes

The earth is not round.

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A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

What do a circle and a sphere have in common?

They're round, and round is a shape.

Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?

Because it's the average class size.

Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!

I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.

Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.

Yo mama so fat, flat earthers say she's round.

I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.

The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."

Why do nuns go around in pairs?

So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!

The earth is flat.

What is a definition of tight?

A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."

9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans. They knocked down two towers, not three.

A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.

One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."

Two old Indian ladies out picking potatoes, one lady stops, staring at this huge potato, turning it round and round.

The other old lady says to her, "What are you doing?" She says, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's nuts."

She says, "Oh my, are they really that big?" She said, "No, they're that dirty. lololol"

What's big and round?

Mine and not yours.

Dog toys are getting out of control.

My mum's dog has a round bison bone.

Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.

What do you call a too round egg?

A prEGGnant egg.