Round jokes

There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.

When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."

The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."

"Shut up."

"No, I need to know your name."

"Shut up."

"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"

"Round the corner picking up shit."

9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans. They knocked down two towers, not three.

Flat Earthers

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”

Which one of Lord Arthur's knights invented the round table?

Sir Cumference.

Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.

"Yo mama is so fat that when I buried her, she made the Earth round."

Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.

Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?

Because it's the average class size.

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.

I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

What is Green and Red and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender.

(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?

One can support an average family.

What is a definition of tight?

A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."

When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."

What's big, round, and can't move?

A vegetable!

I can't believe this!

Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-