A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What kind of dreams do hotels have?
Suite dreams
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided try to find the treasure. After several hours they found the treasure, it was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friend wear the suit and hugs the other friend. They were both red.
Papyrus:nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude! Sans:I guess now it says pool dude ;) Papyrus:SSSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable -
but I never realized they suited me
A father of five puts on gas mask and a hazard suit, and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked "Dad, what are you wearing?". The father would answer with "A costume for Halloween.". the child asked "can i join?". He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. *after that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby In a clown suit
Battery 1%
I take one last look at earth as my suit runs out of power
To start im a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off" I said. He said "then you try it". He gave me the Santa suit and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
Tuxedoes suit you.
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Why did the priest buy a clown suit? Because the old one had blood all over it.
I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said "My time to shine."
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender can squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time Weight Lifters, Lumberjacks, men in the Army, and Etc. But still, nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet". After the laughter had died down the bartender said "okay" and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to Total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack a weight lifter or what?". The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS".
What’s the worst part of being a pedophile? Getting the blood out of your clown suit
Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita" , and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit and the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP"
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back... The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit. An orange jumpsuit that is :)
When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...
But they know your blind.
after a week of this she can't stand it any longer. the woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why?
