Right jokes
All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...
Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.
Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.
And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.
There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...
There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.
So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
I like women's rights "jokes" because they're all facts.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
You are shore to find loads of jokes funny even if I can’t kelp you find the right ones.
Loads of jokes are funny as I’m shore you shall sea.
It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.
He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.
Why did the skeleton never get cold? Because it went right through him!
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.
Oh wait, I forgot.
Women deserve rights and lefts.
I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.
Toilet paper: Ya, right.
Tides right?
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*