Right jokes

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?

A: Right where you left 'em.

The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."

Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.

A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."

The twin towers are like water bottles.

It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.

Don’t worry if you have a stroke.

You’ll be all right.

Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?

They don’t deserve rights!

When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.

I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.

Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."