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Right jokes

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

A day in the life of a Biden voter.

$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.

No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.

$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.

50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.

No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.

Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.

New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.

Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.

Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.

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    • Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?

    Daughter: *tooth hurty*

    Dad: All right.

    What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

    "If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

    Get it?

    Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

    Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

    Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

    Mom: Okay......

    Dad: He's grounded.

    Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

    Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

    Mom: Soon honey, soon....

    Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

    Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?

    Because they were triplets!

    BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

    Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

    BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

    Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.

    So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

    Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

    Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

    Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

    Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

    Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

    Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

    NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

    Throw a plate.

    It’s broken, right?

    Say “sorry” to it.

    Did it fix back?

    No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)

    Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?

    Are you kidding me?!?

    I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

    My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"

    Comment down below, does your grandma do this?

    My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.

    I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."

    "Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."

    "Oh no, I won't!"

    "Oh yes, you will!"

    "Oh, I won't!"

    "Oh yes, you will!"

    "Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."

    "This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."