Revenge jokes

My therapist once said, "time heals all wounds." So I stabbed him. Now we wait...

A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

My ex keeps missing me. But her aim is steadily improving...

Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.

Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”

Person 2: “What happened?”

Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”

Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”

Person 1: “I was in my car.”

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

My dad smashed my PS5, so I smashed his wife.

What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.

Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.